Backyard Baseball 2001

Backyard Baseball 2001
Console: PC/Mac
Release Date: 2001

Elevator Pitch: BACKYARD BASEBALL is a certifiable club banger, even 21 years later. As a single-digit sports fanatic, there were few things sweeter in life than putting your custom player into the game alongside the sandlot baseball legends.  A few years later, it got even better and the second edition dropped with MLB professionals, of which included Nomar Garciaparra and Ken Griffey Jr. I must’ve jumped through three hours worth of hoops just last year to get my old copy to work again. Even with photo-realistic simulation versions like MLB: THE SHOW out today, this game is certainly worth the effort. Between teaching me a slew of baseball strategies and situations, the careful love they put into the stat-keeping is still incredible to me.

Somehow, two excellent articles were even penned this year about the original game — the first from Martin Kessler of WBUR on Pablo Sanchez, the undeniable GOAT, and the second comes from Zach Kram of The Ringer. But instead of regurgitating their words on this special game, go read their work. For me, this was just part of my childhood infatuation with Humongous Entertainment games — so don’t worry, there is plenty of Pajama Sam and Spy Fox to come yet. Since you definitely asked through your screens, here’s my dream team lineup:

CF — Dante Robinson
3B — Jocinda Smith
2B — Pablo Sanchez
RF — Achmed Khan
LF — Kiesha Phillips
C — Mikey Thomas
SS — Stephanie Morgan
1B — Ernie Steele
P — Amir Khan

Now, excuse me, but I think I have to take down Derek Jeter and Green Melonheads for the umpteenth time.

Nostalgia/Stickwitu: 90
Gameplay/Does It Hold Up: 75
Replayability/Multiplayer: 72
Revolutionary/Uniquity: 80

Total: 79.2

Emily Wants To Play

Emily Wants To Play
Console: PS4
Release Date: 2015

Elevator Pitch: Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope. I’ve heard decent things about this game, I truly have, but I cannot comment on those things. Mainly because I can’t get past the first 45 seconds of this game without tossing the controller halfway across the room. I remember how I said CONDEMNED taught me how to appreciate horror games? Well, yeah, not entirely. Games that exist mostly as jumpscares.exe serve little purpose for me — or my heart — so there’s that. I appreciate that this sector of games exists, but they are clearly not made for me. EWTP gets medium-level scores for being a game with semi-good reviews but I can’t really disprove that otherwise, so…

There’s a sequel, so maybe go play that and report back to me… so I don’t have to see a demon child slamming doors in a powerless house ever again.

Nostalgia/Stickwitu: 29
Gameplay/Does It Hold Up: 44
Replayability/Multiplayer: 8
Revolutionary/Uniquity: 21

Total: 25.5

Condemned: Criminal Origins

Condemned: Criminal Origins
Console: Xbox 360
Release Date: 2005

Elevator Pitch: Until about three years ago, I was very averse to the idea of horror movies and games. Unless I was in a packed movie theater or basement with friends cracking jokes the whole time, I was generally not about them. Which is why my adoration of CONDEMNED: CRIMINAL ORIGINS still puzzles me to this day. In terms of horror games, this checks most of the boxes: Jumpscares, dark corridors, melee items that break over time, etc. But for some reason, the crime scene investigation add-on really tickled me as I tried to break away from the “kiddie” age of PS1/N64 games I’d dabbled in for so long.

The developers have cited Silence of the Lambs and Seven as inspiration for the game and that comes as a surprise to nobody. It’s creepy, atmospheric, and challenging — which, of course, is why they trashed the entire formula for the sequel (more on that later…). There’s something alluring about collecting dead pigeons from hidden corners and secret areas — did they have anything to do with the plot? No! Did I always fist pump when I found one? Of course. As most early 360 titles go, this hasn’t aged gracefully — but as an intro-level horror game, it’s something I look back quite fondly on. Apologies to SILENT HILL, RESIDENT EVIL, and numerous other series… but this was my foray into horror games, so thank you!

(But no thanks to CONDEMNED 2… no, no, no, no, no…)

Nostalgia/Stickwitu: 52
Gameplay/Does It Hold Up: 62
Replayability/Multiplayer: 59
Revolutionary/Uniquity:75

Total: 62

RiME

RiME
Console: PS4
Release Date: 2017

Elevator Pitch: Thank the video game gods that RiME finally got released in 2017 because it is flat-out beautiful. During development, it was described as a mashup between the excellent JOURNEY and the cell-shading art style of WIND WAKER… and, honestly, at that moment, RiMe became a must-purchase. More than anything, this game looks and feels precious, from the wonderful vistas and polished confidence to a (mostly) compelling plot despite zero dialogue. RiME checks all the boxes so valiantly, that I’d bet a small fortune on Disney buying the rights and turning it into the next animated movie sensation someday. On top of that, the soundtrack by David Garcia Diaz is stunning and it has been a staple of my Spotify playlists since I beat it 100% three weeks ago.

Alas, most of the puzzles aren’t particularly challenging and the adventuring adopts the UNCHARTED style of it-looks-free-but-there’s-really-just-one-path-here-sorry — but still! This is an indie game that hooked me from start to finish, which is a pretty remarkable achievement given my spotty history with low-budget single player narratives. Ultimately, RiME isn’t all that revolutionary and the puzzle-climbing has been done (better) numerous times before — but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the ever-loving hell out of it.

Nostalgia/Stickwitu: 85/100
Gameplay/Does It Hold Up: 74/100
Replayability/Multiplayer: 62/100
Revolutionary/Uniquity: 74/100

Total: 73.7

Banjo-Kazooie

Banjo-Kazooie
Console: N64
Release Date: 1998

Elevator Pitch: BANJO-KAZOOIE is a mascot platformer that I somehow missed until it was included on 2015’s RARE REPLAY. Forgive me, for I have sinned… because this is an excellent game that mostly holds up. Gifted an arsenal of killer movies, you control a bear and a bird tasked with thwarting the plans of an ugly witch — so far, so good. Even to a first-time player, I still found 100% completion a time-worthy challenge and, most importantly, not at all a chore. Capped off by a final level that asks you to beat the same area four different times — one for each season of the year — BANJO-KAZOOIE’s world design still mostly feels ahead of its time.

Even better, the game ends by quizzing you on mundane information previously collected throughout your journey. Seriously, you finish the game by identifying pixelated, zoomed-in frames, the inarticulate sounds of NPCs, and remembering numerously disgusting facts about your antagonist. So, yes, this holds the hell up today.

Nostalgia/Stickwitu: 77/100
Gameplay/Does It Hold Up: 72/100
Replayability/Multiplayer: 63/100
Revolutionary/Uniquity: 68/100

Total: 70/100

1-2 Switch

1-2 Switch
Console: Switch
Release Date: 2017

Elevator Pitch: A truly awful game that saw Nintendo half-assedly attempt to recreate the magic of WII SPORTS. In theory, 1-2 Switch is a collection of mini-games built to exhibit the Joy-Con’s brand-new motion controls. Sadly, there’s no bowling to save the affair here and the art style Nintendo went with screams of a cheap attempt to manufacture a party environment. Worst of all, this game was not packaged with new Switch consoles like WII SPORTS was… so it cost me $50 dollars and I’ve only played it twice.

I mean, just watch that insane trailer and recognize that it was made in 2017. You milk cows, shake soda cans, and do other strange wrist-to-arm motions that were last funny in 2007. Most of the selections last less than 30 seconds and are just ripped from MARIO PARTY mini-games that released two console generations ago.

I could not recommend this game any less.

Nostalgia/Stickwitu: 5/100
Gameplay/Does It Hold Up: 10/100
Replayability/Multiplayer: 10/100
Revolutionary/Uniquity: 30/100

Total: 13.75/100